Sleepless and distraught

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed, The dear repose for limbs with travel tired; But then begins a journey in my head To work my mind, when body's work's expired: For then my thoughts--from far where I abide-- Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee, And keep my drooping eyelids open wide, Looking on darkness which the blind do see: Save that my soul's imaginary sight Presents thy shadow to my sightless view, Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night, Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new. Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind, For thee, and for myself, no quiet find.

–William Shakespeare How can I then return in happy plight, That am debarred the benefit of rest? When day's oppression is not eas'd by night, But day by night and night by day oppress'd, And each, though enemies to either's reign, Do in consent shake hands to torture me, The one by toil, the other to complain How far I toil, still farther off from thee. I tell the day, to please him thou art bright, And dost him grace when clouds do blot the heaven: So flatter I the swart-complexion'd night, When sparkling stars twire not thou gild'st the even. But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer, And night doth nightly make grief's length seem stronger. –William Shakespeare

Examination day two and i am losing my sanity. I stayed up late rattofying all that i could manage.. But when i lied in bed and found no rest and sleep, sweet sleep remained elusive. And see the effects i am writing crap. Being sleepless in bed is a great torture, specially during exams. As expected by the end of the 2nd hour i was so exhausted and my fingers ached and my answers suffered. Reviewed the paper and i couldn't give myself more than 34 on 70 tats even less than 50 p.c. I don't know what's up with sleep. We used to get along so well. I even dedicated all my writings to you. Oh sweet sleep, love please i beg you to return to my aching eyes. Three more papers to go and i know i am doing no better than i always do. I always console myself saying that i am meant for better only if i did something about it. But even the excuse is dying out now. I wanted to give better exams this time. I have spoiled two papers. DBMS is going to be no good either. About Networking and multimedia, I am not sure. I think its too late for this sem and too early for the next to try and be sincere.

The best thing about today's paper was our invigilator Saurabh sir.. I was worried about a questiona and he comes to me and says," koi padhega nahi. Jo paper set karega woh check nahi karega, jo check karega woh khud hi kuch nahi janta hai" That did cheer me up a little but just a little. Talked to ma today. I deeply wish going home will help me as i am thinking it would. God! i am so done wishing. I have even tired myself. I want to see myself doing something substantial. I give myself this month. By the end of june i would either have become what i in my mind think myself to be or i would have foresaken myself for good.