What makes you tired?

There is something very wrong about this write-thing here. I had read a word for informal articles..but can't recall. That's ironic because the whole point of writing all this kitsch is to help me recall, remember why my days are not non existent as they seem to be. 23rd March - 65 or more years ago bhagat singh got hanged so that i could sit here, typing away. Aww I am not getting patriotic here am I?

I don't know. I couldn't love my country i hate all the people, everyone including myself. As if i got the essence of abomination into me. I feel angry over nothing at all. I felt angry when dad was picking on me. I felt angry when **** expressed her desire to sit for cat. And i felt angry at myself for feeling angry. This is so Peter Keating.

Dad's fault was that he mouthed what i already know. I am worthless. That enraged me. And i answered back. Remorselessness- my only defence. I am grateful to him for things too many to mention, but i answered him back. And i stole files- i stole stupid, worthless practical files from our college lab because they were throwing it away anyway. I stole stupid five-rupees-each files because that was supposed to be fun. I don't know whether i have had any fun in my life anymore. And i use slang- i know what they mean and i use them. I have forgotten that word for informal articles but i remember all those worthless slangs. I am not good enough to crack the common aptitude test. Everyday a new pimple erupts from some blasted pore of my face and my bag feels heavy on my shoulders. So all this makes me tired. And that brings me back to what's so very wrong with this article- it begins with a question about you. But that makes anarrogant assumption that you are actually reading this. Another mistake is that the article ain't about you at all. It talks about what tires me out. A grave error indeed. But i have an excuse. I am tired ;-)

I should have ended this here and clicked on publish post. But i want to talk about trains. I don't exactly have anything in particular to say about them. I just felt like mentioning. I am so used to a train journey now- its almost as banal as brushing my teeth. The passengers, the hawkers, the beggars- none of them change much really. I get a seat mostly, sometimes i end up being not lucky. We sometimes stare at each other shamelessly, unapologetically, at others we pretend we are alone in the coach, sometimes we are happy enough to strike an overtly cheery pointless conversation and feel good about having communicated. So that's that. I wasnt bluffing when i said i was tired.

If you love something..stand back and watch it being taken away

They ended Kyle XY ..the final episode left me worried and disappointed. Ofcourse Kyle will find a way out of it. Things will all fall in place. But i lost another thing that i loved. Maybe its a good thing. I dont know. When life is a bunch of disappointments, a new one doesnt make a lot of difference. It just gives me another reason to be crappily schmaltz.

I reached college today, we waited for an hour for the stupid classes to start. I really find it funny when i see teachers taking themselves so seriously in a setup that our college is. I was sitting in the library and wondering how it was the perfect setting for a tacky horror movie-An institute for the dead. So we are sitting there, i mean in the class room, and this guy enters,utterly lost- his presence in the room looked like a mistake. No, wait- our college is one huge mistake. The teacher noted that it was his first class this semester. He asked him the date. So Mary's little lamb bleated that he didnt know. Yeah he didnt think the information was important enough to keep in mind. " What would i need to know the date for? There isnt any exam today". Sound reasoning. Reflecting now on that imbecile statement i suppose it doesnt really matter what the date is if the day is just like the previous one. Even i cant associate memories with the date they were formed on. So i was laughing not just at his ignorance but also enjoying the fact that someone else was more dismal than me perhaps. As far as accomplishments go- i dint learn anything new on March 20, 2009- which was today an hour ago. I came back from college,watched Taken- thought it was a pretty plain movie, like i was watching an FPS game or something. Then i slept through the evening- even missing dinner. Another day and another truck load of disappointments.

I hate these people. I dislike them. I detest their existence, their presence, their sight- i look at them as an abomination. I hope i am able to redeem myself of this wretchedness. I am scared that it wont end. I am terribly scared.

A circle has no beginning

I wish cat studies were as glue-to-matic as KYLE is. I mean i know i am screwing up...these are the first symptoms. During my X boards it was that stupid imbecile Potter series, and now its Kyle XY. I mean ofcourse they should cancel the show cause its too damn good. It keeps me hooked. I mean Kyle is everything I wud want to be- i wud even settle for jesse. I missed my coaching today cause i had fallen asleep! Its incredible how i manage to do it and now i feel guilty too- so that is neither here nor there. I know this CAT thing is my last chance and i am on the way to annihilate it. I missed the class and i didnt make most of today either.

When the only fun you have is while wartching a crass 'dehati' excuse for a girl crying hoarse on a stupid show called roadies, you know there is something terribly wrong wirth your life. I hope they wont sue me for calling it stupid. I totally admit that i enjoyed today's episode but that was because it was funny. The catfight, the task...it was funny only because of Palak and her idiosyncrasies. One thing that i do not understand about this show is the thing they call - ROADIE SPIRIT. The producer- i suppose the cool, bald guy who can cause serious damage just using his vocabulary, projects it to be something about integrity, honesty and performance. Giving your heart to that thing. Now if a person had integrity, honesty and the zeal to give his best come what may- wouldnt he be like in IIT or sumthing. I mean why in God's name would a ROADIE spirited person come on this senseless show to try out some controlled and closely monitored. One would expect such a person to achieve fame and money for a meaningful period of time contributing at the same time a lot more to the society than and hour per week of silly entertainment. Okay i am being preachy her but duh! this is myspace. Then there's all the vulgarity, crassness and abuses. Why would someone tat good take all that crap to prove that he can do silly stunts while manipulating coparticipants? The only good thing about this self proclaimed standard of cool is that they give you something to talk about with friends. Well this only goes to prove that our media industry- at least the television thing kinda sucks. Whenever you actually come to liking a show it either transforms magically into crap or just goes off air. But it shouldnt be bothering me now.