Warning:
· SPOILERS AHEAD! Turn back while you can
· The following book review is highly opinionated and unfair. It may offend twilight fans, who will be better off ogling at Edward Cullen/Bella Swan images online.
Imagine going on a date with the butter chicken, an absolutely delicious, mouth watering butter chicken exuding the most appetizing aroma ever. Will you have the restraint to stay with that chicken, not eat it but stay with it and protect it from the other salivating monsters? I am not being absurd. This is what happens in Twilight. A vampire falls in love with his food, a pale skinned accident prone chick and struggles to keep her alive. In new moon, the vampire decides he is too dangerous for the chick and leaves her moping only to return. But in this short gap the chick finds that she has options now- a wolf. In Eclipse, the wolf tries for the same chick and the chick loves the wolf too but chooses the vampire over him. Finally dawn breaks. The vampire and chick marry, the vampire converts the chick. Oh they also have a child who hooks up with the sad sad wolf. Hapees endings.
Ah! I know I am spitting venom. But that’s because as a fan of fantasy fiction, I feel cheated. Taken in by the hype and embarrassed at having read it. Aren’t vampire stories supposed to be darker, mysterious, gripping? Edward, who fancies himself as a monster, basking in the glories of first love, is neither dark nor brooding. Bella is foolishly, blindly trusting and Jacob is irritating. The other vampires just fail to impress. Everything seems so contrived, pieces conveniently falling in place. The climaxes are comical, absolutely predictable. The language is kind of trite and the narrative is forced. Through the course of the four books, Edward’s over protectiveness and Bella’s clinginess just get progressively annoying. Their love never touches a chord. The romance is nothing like the romances portrayed in Bronte novels. Edward never becomes Edward Rochester. Bella never becomes Jane Eyre. The subplots fail to excite. Things just drag on page by page by page. The lyrical titles of the books are never fully justified. Me not likes.
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Hay, I agree with the Jacob is irritating part. And yes, you are spitting a lot of venom!:) But as a twilighter, I am bound to object. Edward is not supposed to be Rochester or Bella Jane Eyre. They have their own identities. And how does the Volturi fail to impress?? And you can't compare a human being to butter chicken!
ReplyDeletelol!my dear twilighter i think i gave you a fair warning ;-)
ReplyDeleteSarcasm at its best or what...I am no twilight fan or anything and hence loved the way you tore it apart with precision...hehehe...Honest reviews eh...I will by damn scared to ask you to review my blog i say :D
ReplyDelete@Nish: ah! well you blog has certainly escaped my wrath. i found it a great read. but maybe exercising caution wouldn't be such a bad idea :-)
ReplyDeleteJacob indeed is irritating and sometimes Bella's foolishness is too much too handle... but I am in ove with Edwards charater :) after reading Eclipse, I used to dream about it :)
ReplyDelete@Rajlaksmi: Edward freaks me out and not because he is a vampire. I mean to have such a boyfriend for real would be a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteYou have summarised exactly what I feel about the series..
ReplyDeleteIt is ridiculously ridiculous..
I hv posted my views here: http://thoughtfulrandomness.wordpress.com/2009/12/23/these-last-few-days/
and you ought to read this too: http://www.twisted-dna.com/2009/02/23/chicken-soup-for-vampire-soul/
@pooja: hear hear!
ReplyDeletethanks for the links... your post was an interesting read, you were so very kind to remind me of my miserable encounter with the General Awareness section of SNAP '09
the second link was a surprise, my butter chicken analogy elaborated...great fun!