Reclaiming Life

A rejection always leaves a bad taste in mouth(Yuck!). In none of my narcissistic sugary B school day dreams did I ever think of the red line of pseudo-regret: you haven't been short listed. We wish u luck with your other endeavors. It is like being dumped( It's just not working between us...I hope u understand. It's not you it's me) They should have been more creative and honest.Like "you think you're good enuf for our Bschool, OUR bschool....HA!"A funny pill would have gone down my throat easily.

Anyways so that was one...i guess there are more rejection letters to come. Now is the time to grow philosophical wings. It's unfair how the things that you don't want keep dropping in your lap easily and frequently...while your true desires remain elusive(God's idea of humor maybe). I have never worried about any particular year much. But this year well is getting on my nerves already! It's so painful to "just miss" the mark. Neither here nor there. This sense of Unbelonging- it just gets stronger and stronger everyday. I feel like running. May be i will go for a run this evening. So much for the "universe conspires" theory! I just think i will go back to stuff I liked doing....instead of coming up with ways to market myself. Sheesh!

Meanwhile a good thing has happened too :-D. I am getting readers now. It's a great feeling seeing a comment. For a year i just wrote without bothering much about traffic or followers or comments. But now that i see people actually finding it worthwhile to spend time here...it's a pretty cool feeling. It's nice to see ya people. Keep em comments coming!

The Wrath of a Goddess

Today is Do-Not-Disturb-Your-Books-Or-Else-Face-Divine-Wrath day or as we say in Hindi , Saraswati Puja. I am not religious much but my superstitions get the better of me all the time. So with 2010 being my year of results, I am striving hard to be on the right side of the Divine power.

The good thing about the once a year Pujas is that they are once-a-year, easily adjustable. The Punditji, who acts as the interpreter between me and Mother Knowledge was actually more of a Pundit intern. Not a handsome intern though, which was a good thing! So we sat there...invoked Lord Ganesha, invoked the nine planets, invoked Vishnu, Shankar and all. This kinda clearance is necessary cause you gotta make sure that you don't offend the Big Guys. The rituals are quite simple actually, you invite your guest, run her a bath, present her with new clothes, perfume, flowers, then you offer her refreshments, water, compliment her a lot, greet her and thank her...

I wonder why Saraswati Ma takes offence to people picking up books to read and not to the glaring speakers. Talk about the convenience factor in religion, Ha!

Empire Of the Sun

There is something moving, something really inspiring about the human spirit- when it is in its indomitable form and something truly horrifying about the absence of it.

My Monday afternoon would have been sluggish, but for Jim who granted me the vicarious thrill of living as we are meant to. He dint see the Japs as enemies, he was fascinated with fighter planes and he enjoyed his life at the camp learning from the "University of Life". A great story with great moments.......

System Resume

Wow! i am finally done with all the management entrance tests. One would have thought that i would now get a chance to put my feet up...not happening!

January is still not over and i have already taken two tests(one horrible, the other was appetizing) and even given a job interview.

Looking back at the day of counseling, when i chose to condemn myself to four years of captivity in the school of uncool, i wonder what inspired me to take that decision. Ah! Campus Placements. That was what all engineering was about. A comfortable job in a snazzy IT company. Then Recession happened. Anyways 2010 came with the news of placements. It all happened too fast. Our college had arranged pre-placement trainings. HA HA HA. So i travel for three hours and reach No man's land and get a careless apology by the trainer guy that he had an "important meeting". Of course he had. No time for lesser mortals. Seething, fuming I came back pledging never to attend another one of his "enlightening sessions". I instead spent my time buying classy interview formals and getting a new hair cut in one of those overpriced Salons. Much better use of time and much more rewarding. Making my resume was mortifying.....

Objectives

er..........ummmm...........well...........ahem

Education

attended school

they kicked me out with avg grades

attended college

they will kick me out with avg grades

Accomplishments

1. managed to keep myself alive for 21 years
2. have survived on junk food for three years
3. am taller than 90 percent of the guys in my class ;-)

Interests

novels, movies, music (what else has meaning in this world!)

Skills

1. procrastinating
2. cooking up excuses
3. dozing off during lectures(certified)

Well it was disastrous so i had to ahem paraphrase. That was done. Next on my checklist was "mugging up" basically i had to mug up everything i had studied (or was supposed to anyway) in a span of 1 and a half day. It was impossible but that made it fun actually(it dint happen but well something's better than nothing).

I reached the venue on "THE APTITUDE TEST DAY" looked at the rest of em, realized i was overdressed(Shit!). There was a lot of staring and pointing. Mortification Rehashed. After that there was the aptitude test. The tension in the room was palpable. I was so relieved when my name wasn't called(they were calling out the names of the people who weren't selected). It wouldn't have gone down well with my suit. The next day was the interview.

Getting ready in two hours, traveled another three hours to reach the venue, waited three and a half hours for my turn. The interview lasted for exactly 10 minutes. I was stumped twice. Once when she asked why she should take me?(I dont know I wont take myself)

And again when she said Fountain Head is a bad novel (Lady! Are you a Mills and Boons fan?) Rest was plain technical stuff. They haven't still informed whether i am in. Well in or out, it was some experience. Lesson: no matter how prepared you are it is very hard not to be yourself.

Midnight apple

I slept through dinner time tonight

having an apple seemed so right

so i took a large bite

alas it was rotten at the core

and i couldnt eat it anymore

Empty stomach leads to lousy rhyming. And the fault lies entirely with that stupid apple. We have always treated this fruit affectionately and with respect, the eden garden fiasco notwithstanding. And this is how it repays a starving daughter of eve. So much so for gratitude. I wonder what would have happened had eve decided not to share the apple with adam. Would she have been alone kicked out? Would adam badly missing his sole beautiful companion have come looking for her, secretly? Would he have stood up against God, connived with lucifer and overthrown the entire kingdom to get his eve back. Or would he have just used another one of his ribs? Ah! things would have been so much more thrilling and exciting. Adam's dilemma, God's wrath and eve's misery. Wow! an empty stomach leads to a stupendous imagination.

I have to get passport sizephotos for my B school application forms. Now I hate my passport photos. I hate them because i look stupid in them. Its weird to see an expressionless face. I mean why don't we smile in passport photos? I ran a search and found out that in UK the computers can't recognize a person if s/he is smiling. A smile supposedly distorts one's contour. And here i used to think that a smile was the best thing to wear on your face.I still don't understand why i can't send a picture of a smiling me with my B-school application. Anyways I guess i have a long day ahead and very few hours that i can spend sleeping. Another day filled with local trains, cstc buses and probably some good breakfast.